Hairy protection

Real reason why American men are sprouting beards and other facial hair:

When the Islamic State invades, they won't be mistaken for women, raped and murdered.

Those hairy guys aren't as dumb as they look. Now, if they could just grasp the concept of going to the barber ...

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Pounding sand

I've given up watching "Gotham," not because it's bad, but because the good guys can never win.

This is pre-Batman and the city is a swamp of crime.

Batman arrives and the city is a swamp of crime.

Batman tries his best and the city is a swamp of crime.

Every Batman, every incarnation.

The city is a swamp of crime.

Why spend precious time watching heroes fail and fail and fail?

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Trapped in the dark

     Questions to which I will never receive an adequate answer:

     1. Why do people in TV shows walk through dark alleys? I just watched “Gotham,” in which the Wayne family ran into a murderer, in a dark alley. The Waynes are filthy rich … they have to catch a cab? Mr. Wayne's too cheap to hire a car and driver?

     The innocent — stupid — person alone in a dark alley runs through most all of TV, from “Buffy” to “NCIS.”

     Wise up, producers and network suits. Let your storytellers be original, for once.

     2. “Gotham” indulged in another cliché: a cop said to another cop at a crime scene: “What do we got?”

     Besides the grammar issue, every crime solver says that, from “NCIS” to “Bones” to “Castle.”

     Shorthand, I suppose, but lazy.

     Awhile back, a character in a show the title of which I didn’t note said, “What do we have,” and my mind went spinning.

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Telephone tag, round 6

So, the telephone rings at 8:45 a.m. on Sunday and it’s the same computer voice.

This time, however, it says something like, “we have a very important call for you. I’ll connect you.”

And a human voice comes on, asking for Jaime mumble mumble mumble.

The accent’s thick enough that I cannot make out anything after “Jaimie,” even when he repeats himself. I say that there’s no one at this number with that name, and the caller says “thank you” and hangs up.

Four or five calls to the wrong number. Way to go, Jaimie. If I ever run into you, you’ll be walking funny for weeks.

Moving on to Tuesday, phone rings at 10 a.m. Computer voice says, “Congratulations. You’ve won a free trip to the Bahamas.”

Click.

Eat my shorts.

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Day of the Morons

Telephone woke me up 9 a.m.-ish this morning (after I got to sleep around 3 a.m.). A computer voice said something like “please stay on the line for an important message.”

And it put me on hold. Hung up, said colorful metaphors.

Got back from afternoon errands to find the same computer had talked to my answering machine, which recorded hold-music for a minute, then hung up.

Dear bleeping-stupid company:

If I call you and get put on hold, that’s OK. Your incoming lines are probably very busy.

You call me, there better be a carbon-based unit ready to talk to me. You don’t get to insult me with your computer and on-hold.

Otherwise, bleep-off.


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Can I get a D'oh?

Accuracy, oh accuracy ... where art thou?

Just discovered that thesimpsons dot com, in its recaps section, has at least one airdate wrong and skips several episodes in Season 25.

Good thing I keep my own version.

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To avoid that rundown feeling

I've had way too many chances to observe this in the last two months:

Walking from the parking lot or parking garage into a medical office building is more dangerous than whatever disease you've got.

People wander every which way through the parking garage at the main campus of Reno's largest medical center, challenging me as both driver and pedestrian.

Could a little paint for a pedestrian crossing or path hurt? Like a bike lane on a street?

If I get run down, please point out this observation to my lawyer.

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News for dummies

The newspaper where I worked for 42 years — before being laid off and replaced by an automated computer program — just redesigned its Web site.

Its home page is now all pictures. A few short captions and what might pass for  headlines, but dominated by photos. There's an index for various sections.

Here's my problem ... photos are utterly open to interpretation and misinterpretation.

Words are for specifics, details, accuracy.

Photos on a news site are for illiterates.

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A Gibbs failure

Much as I enjoy the "NCIS" twins on CBS, I had a major problem Tuesday night with the first part of a prospective spin-off, set in New Orleans.

The lawmen committed several crimes during the course of the story, including Scott Bakula's character, King, who threw an obnoxious jerk across the hood of a car. Somebody else slammed a suspect's head into a table. Maybe that was King, too.

Now, could be, lawmen have different rules in Louisiana than in the rest of the United States, being as it's the South and all, but these acts of violence are firing offenses, and maybe even jailing offenses. Maybe the suspects had it coming, but our police cannot start behaving like they work for Mr. Putin's secret police. For some, that behavior started long ago, in reality and in fiction.

Come on, "NCIS," you're better than that.

Plus, the witty dialogue's starting to feel like the worst of the James Bond movies. It's especially strained in "NCIS: Los Angeles."

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Pain's not in my brain

Got X-rays of neck, shoulders, hips, knees a few days ago.

Results: degenerative osteoarthritis, everywhere.

Bone spurs in right knee and shoulder. No cartilage in right knee.

Right shoulder shows rotator cuff damage, with bone at the site of the injury.

Isn't that just dandy?

I think I'll sue the Creationists for their god's fraud and general incompetence.

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When you are wrong, you are wrong

So, I lost my temper and it felt so good. 

So, my short-term “guest,” who has now been here for 3.5 months, felt the need to tell me all about myself, via email because talking to me in person is so stressful. 

My apology, not heart-felt, was by email, so OK. 

Apparently, I am a bi-polar, ODC, depressed lesbo who needs to get a hobby. That’s five things wrong. 

Also, thank Darwin, she's straight and always will be, so she will never love me. 

I managed to laugh. My best friend said to congratulate “guest” on having big brass balls. 

Metaphor: My life is 6 feet deep and she has seen 2 inches. Her fiction writer’s imagination filled in the rest. 

If she talks about me to other people the way she talks about them to me … we’d all be better off throwing her to the wolves. 

I will admit to one problem. There’s that definition of insanity: repeating the same action over and over and expecting a different outcome. 

A decade or more ago, I thought “guest” was going through a rough patch and just needed a bit of help. I’ve now repeated that action a dozen times. 

I am a bad judge of character.

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Freak-out might help

So, I have offended somebody, big time, by freaking out at a warning from my I-net provider about 1 incident of downloading illegal material. I did apologize to my staying-way-too-long house "guest," but she's steamed. Gee, if she thinks I'm a bitch, maybe I lit a fire under her sorry ass. Jobs are hard to come by in her field, but ... if it's extra incentive, it's all good.

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Stick it to me

Worked up the courage to donate platelets for the first time since October. Last couple of sessions were horrid. Why can't the Reno United Blood Services building turn on some actual heat? The platelets machines are in the far corner and in the summer, freezing air piles out right on top. Sitting in an arctic blast is not good for my arthritis.

Monday, I kept my sweatshirt on, piled on two blankets, and still was chilled by the time I was unplugged, a bit over 2.5 hours later.

My platelets better go to somebody who won't vote Republican.

You're welcome, fellow A neg human.

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Touch that music, mama

I guess iPods are here to stay. And a friend just gave me iPod Touch for my birthday. I'm not comfortable with the pirated songs she put on it for me, though. But comfortable enough to not go buy them right away. After I get my taxes done, if I have any money left.

Since it's by Apple, it's mostly familiar. I'm not down with swiping screens; it's like fingerpainting and I graduated kindergarten, thank you. Grownups use pencils and stuff.

Stupid iPod tricks:

The image on the screen rotates from vertical to horizonal, for no reason I can figure out. Pick one and stay that way, pinhead.

I did manage to turn off the "shake to shuffle" function. Who the fuck thought that was a good idea?

It seems to start playing something the instant it's turned on. And, while it will pause, it won't stop and go into neutral so I can pick something else. Pause ain't stop, genius. And naming a playlist function "genius?" Get a grip. Have you ever worked with a jelly-ware genius? It's not easy.

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Stick me with that needle

Despite the knot in my stomach, I made an appointment to once again donate blood platelets next week, the day before I turn 65. Platelet donation is horrid, takes 2 hours or longer. I'm hoping that the UBS center won't have the air conditioning pouring out ice cubes like it did all last summer. My arthritis makes me miserable when I get cold and that chair was beyond cold. It took me a couple of hours to get warm and stop shaking inside.

If it weren't for the honor, I'd rather not have a semi-rare blood type, A negative.

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Why am I watching this, again?

The TV’s on as a babysitter while my mind contemplates my half-baked, half-finished entry in The Great American Novel competition.

Penetrating my haze: Umpteenth commercial for a boner drug, with the admonition to “ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex.” If you have to ask, the answer won’t please you.

Episode of “Castle” from 2012 has the cops investigating a murder, with an unwelcome  documentary film crew in tow. If I were a defense attorney, I would love a case with unsworn civilians in the same room with evidence, witnesses, drawing opinions from the cops, creating lovely video to examine.

There would not be a case I could not get thrown out of court, just for the probability that these civilians messed with evidence or blabbed important info.

Even cases worked at the same time in the same squad room would be in danger. Even Castle himself could be used to wipe out every case he ever touched.

On another topic: I created Low Sierra with an email address that no longer exists. Google won't take my freeloading gmail address as primary for the blog. Gee, I hope blogger dot com doesn't have something important to tell me via email. What's with Google not liking Google?

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