It's all a blur

So, I've been skipping all over the InterWebs, posting my resume, trying to keep a list ...

This is so much fun, I can't imagine why I didn't get laid off earlier, so I could have such a good time sooner.

Plaxo, Linkedin, Yahoo, JournalismJobs, and many more.

-30-

Blackboard insanity

I finally found the cause of the skin-crawling feeling I get from Glenn Beck's crazy chalkboard scribblings ... the old-time TV evangelist Gene Scott did the same thing with his whacked-out Bible lessons.

There's a young woman on late-night cable continuing Scott's el toro crappo, but Beck's got a bigger audience.

-30-

The trouble with Texas

"Talk of the Nation" aired a segment today on a study of NFL players and concussions; the findings said repeated head injuries lead to dementia.

That explains the stupidity of most men in Texas ... the football cult turns them into mushbrains.

***

Haven't been online lately, except at job sites. Being out of work and looking for a new job takes up a lot of time.

Plus getting kitchen cabinets, utility room and kitchen painted.

Plus a week of the flu, followed by 3 weeks of a cough that is driving me mad.

Mad! I say! Mad!

-30-

The worst job ever ...

must be watching or listening to the cable or radio "talk" shows of Papa Bill, Fat Rush, Glen "the entertainer" Beck, anybody on Faux News, and dozens of others whose names, thankfully, I do not know.

I may hate being unemployed, but I'd rather live in a cardboard box on a heating grate than have to watch those bozos. There isn't enough money in the world to make up for losing one's sanity.

-30-

Greed, conspiracies and Gannett

OK, let’s see if I can calmly write this:

After 12 years tending the newspaper’s digital archive, and 42 years working for the newspaper, I was laid off July 9 and my library administrator’s job eliminated at the Reno Gazette-Journal, in its continuing attempt to feed the bottomless maw of Gannett’s corporate greed.

Forty-two years of experience has been replaced by automated computer software.

A $10-an-hour, 24-hours-a-week clerk now shepherds the library.

(I wasn't the only person canned; I'm getting supplemental money plus unemployment; and I love the lady now coping with the clerk's job.)

But ... if I weren’t so busy trying not to barf up my last meal, I’d laugh.

***

Speaking of greed, the health-care industry lobbyists who are fighting insurance reform have taken a page from Adolph Hitler’s book:

Bused-in thugs are spreading throughout the country, attending town-hall meetings and other democracy-supporting sessions, deliberately preventing citizens from asking questions and preventing elected officials from exchanging information with the people who elected them.

How soon will they copy the Nazi Party’s next step, which was shooting, beating, burning anybody who dared attend a political meeting?

How is it that the GOP can spend an entire election cycle screaming about the perfidy of lobbyists, then pay them handsomely to derail the democratic process?

Hypocrisy rides higher and higher.

***

So, Orly Taitz, numbskull at the forefront of the “birthers” conspiracy, is an immigrant from Moldova, last Communist relic of the Soviet Union? Come on, Dobbs, Hannity, Limbaugh and O’Reilly! Don’t let this Commie agent destroy the President of the United States! Don't fall for all that spew she spreads about how she hated life in her homeland and how desperate she was to get to America.

Here’s how "birthers" see it: Obama’s black. Worse than that, he’s half-black, half white. Some uppity colored man copulated with a low-down white woman and produced this mud-blood who must be put down. They can’t do an actual lynching but they can crucify him on cable.

Here’s my own conspiracy: Putin’s scheme is working! All hail Emperor Vladmir! All hail Empress Orly!

-30-

Femi-haters unite

I know somebody in the hate-o-sphere is saying it:

The seduction and destruction of Sanford, Ensign and other GOP heroes is the fault of the women, whose feminine wiles led good men astray, an evil betrayal that began with Eve versus Adam.

Difference between the U.S. and theocracies: The women aren't stoned to death.

Yet.

-30-

Don't get the movie title wrong, Argentina

Mark Sanford confesses to having an affair with a woman in Argentina ...

Quoting the comedy writer in "My Favorite Year" who never speaks aloud, until utter chaos reigns during the live TV show: "Oh, God, this makes me happy!"

ooo

Sorry about that, Chief.

-30-

Don't laugh for him, Argentina

Mark Sanford confesses to having an affair with a woman in Argentina ...

Quoting the comedy writer in "My Favorite Movie" who never speaks aloud, until utter chaos reigns during the live TV show: "Oh, God, this makes me happy!"

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Freedom's regulations

The Supreme Court decided not to mess with the Voting Rights Act ... whew.

Congress deregulated the banks and look where it took us.

Gut the Voting Rights Act and the newly unregulated secret racists will be back preventing black people from voting. Because, some people will do the honest, the right thing, only when punishment hangs over their heads.

-30-

Laugh til I cry

Glass houses and throwing stones

John Ensign confesses to having an affair … it’s not solely a GOP thing, but after the Right condemns a sinner, it’s much more beautiful when the slime splashes back.

ooo

Palin versus Letterman

This country needs Johnny Carson to drop in from the Hereafter to repeat his instruction: “Lighten up.”

Until recently, I thought it was just the GOP that surgically removed the sense of humor from national players, but now the Dems slice and dice, too. So do cable-TV blabbers. Jeeze, they couldn’t recognize a joke if it pasted them with a banana cream pie.

ooo

Fascism, alive and well

San Francisco city law mandates composting garbage.

NYC, aka Nanny town, imposes laws over food.

Feds dictates to financial-sector executives as to how much they can earn.

ooo

Capitalism, alive and cancerous

Ciggy makers buy their freedom from actual regulation.

Bankers cherrypick which regulatory agencies mind the fox and the henhouse.

ooo

Letter to the editor in the Reno Gazette-Journal complains that atheists are “mean.” Well, they have to be; religionists kill people who don’t worship their chosen god.

Yet another Letter to the editor complains about Obama’s plan to expand government. How about we all work for the government? The fascists will be happy, while the small-gov anti-taxers get their taxes back as paychecks.

-30-

Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Somewhere on a celestial golf course, Bob Hope is smiling.

A republic by any other name; a problem not named Maria

The GOP has delayed its campaign to "re-brand" its political foe, a surprisingly thoughtful choice.

TV pundits said the Democratic Party would be called the Social Democrat Party, by the RightWingers. Some wags called it the "Democrat" party all through the presidential campaign.

But:

If the Republicans want the Demos to be the "Democrat" party, then the GOP has to become the "Republic" party, to keep the names parallel.

Then, the GOP has to explain why it's pushing a republic instead of a democracy, a tap dance that would be hilarious, given Americans' general ignorance of U.S. history, forms of government in general and the compromises the Founding Fathers wove into the federal government.

ooo ooo ooo

The sexist hatred fueling the Christian patriarchy rears its ugly head: Mike Huckabee joins the pack attacking Sonia Sotomayor's nomination to SCOTUS, but calls her "Maria."

No, Mike, that's your nephew's nanny's name.

This is going to be fun; besides being scarily smart, she's from the Bronx. Nobody from the Bronx takes any crap offa any puking politician.

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Home, home on the range

Ah, the arrogance of the Right ...

Bloggers and blatherers are citing as a fact the phony claim that prisoners from Gitmo will be "released" into the United States, walking down our sidewalks, watching our children's schools, living large in the Great America.

This is a primo demonstration of their lack of understanding of human nature (even the one between their own ears).

Were I a prisoner leaving Gitmo, the last place I would go would be Satan's America. I don't speak English, I have no job skills, no kinfolk to take me in.

I'm gonna haul ass back to where I came from, to familiar food, familiar mosques, where somebody might know my name.

ooo ooo ooo

I had a pithy stinger to aim at Newt Gingrich and his hypocritical faux-attack on Nancy Pelosi, but it would be a waste.

The Newtster's just doing what his nature requires ... running around the outside, throwing stink bombs at the people actually working for The People.

Scorpion, frog and all that.

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Such an honor

Today's office email brought a notice from Facebook reporting that I am invited to join a list of friends ... for a person I've never heard of.

The notice also listed a half-dozen other people, suggesting I might want to be their friend. Also people I've never heard of.

Quite a racket, Facebook has going.

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What a guy!

I realized this evening that it's not the Hummer I hate ... it's the arrogant MoFo's who own them.

It was just dark enough for cars to turn on headlights; as I came out of the Sparks Post Office, climbing into my sports coupe, a dark purple H2 pulled in and stopped lengthwise across several parking spots, front grill 4 or 5 feet away from my car, its headlights pointing right into my car and into my eyes. The driver went into the Post Office, leaving the lights on; no one else was in the vehicle.

The joker driving this monster truck thinks he's so special he doesn't have to obey parking rules, or be courteous.

Personalized Nevada plate: Ellas 1

Logo on the side: Spiro's bar and grill. Where I will never, ever eat.

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Unclear on the concept

Greenies urge everybody to haul reusable bags to grocery stores, in lieu of paper or plastic. Fine; I've done that for a dozen years, worn out two or three bags.

However, combined with a computer innovation, cloth bags are now a pain in the neck.

The Raley's supermarket where I regularly graze recently installed self-checkout registers, which I tested a couple times, unimpressed.

Last Friday, however ... I had 6 items. After warming up the touch-screen and scanning the first item, I put it in my cloth bag and set it on the check-out shelf. The computer freaked: Unexpected weight, it said. The frellin' machine objected to the weight of the cloth bag.

I punched more buttons; a clerk swiped a card to clear the "wait for assistance" message. The computer didn't like it when I put the cloth bag on its shelf; it didn't like it when there was no bag on the shelf.

It took 7 minutes to check out 6 items.

I shall stand in the human-run checkout line, next time and forever.

ooo ooo ooo

I'm a Mac head. My experience with PCs & Windows ranges from annoyed at best to Hulk freak-out at worst.

But ... why can I not hear the audio for Mac adverts on Web sites? I click where it says to click: no sound. I turn my Mac sound up ... silence.

Mac, easier than Windows.

Mac adverts, sabotaged by PCs, I'll bet.

-30-

Maybe he misspoke

RGJ item last week, out of the Nevada Legislature:

<<< IN THEIR OWN WORDS

"I just hope we'll keep a level head here and not overreact to this until there's reason to overreact. Prepare, but let's not go into the far end and cause a panic."

Assemblyman Lynn Stewart, R-Henderson, during a discussion about the swine flu case in Reno. >>>

Just what I want: "reason to overreact."

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Freedom goes splat

There's no part of this action that isn't wrong: The U.S. government is confiscating land from seven people for the planned Flight 93 9/11 memorial in Shanksville, Pa.

The Feds negotiated with other landowners and reached deals, but seven holdouts are being screwed over in favor of a symbol.

I can see how eminent domain can be justified in rare situations, but taking land for a statue ... un-American. It is, however, fascist.

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My ignorance is showing

Northern Nevada Bike to Work Day is May 15, which leads me to wonder:

What does the bike rider do when he/she/it arrives at work, all sweaty and stinky? What kind of job must one have to be allowed to work around colleagues all day in that condition?

Thousands of “experts” order us to exercise, but I’ve never read any solution to handling the byproducts of working out during the work day.

Of course, in certain parts of the world, stinkyness is not considered a problem.

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Apologies for this joke

Did you hear about the old man who declared that a "black man will be U.S. president when pigs fly"?

Well, swine flu.

Identity of the wit revealed upon request.

-30-

Tortured by logic

Only nutball dead-enders still deny that U.S. government employees tortured prisoners, in Iraq, Afghanistan and Gitmo. Or they claim that torture isn't wrong, anyway.

The current news and discussion about the Bush Administration's violation of international law, U.S. law and human decency reminds me of the history of war itself.

The rules of war — rules of engagement, the Geneva Convention and so on — exist because warriors want war. Near the end of the Middle Ages, wars expanded from distant lands into Europe's towns and cities, farmland and ports, preventing the merchant class from making money. Newly rich folks told the warlords — barons, dukes, knights — to go fight somewhere else, or stop fighting entirely.

No, no, no, the warriors said, we have to fight, for God, honor, love, loot ...

To that end, they made deals across Europe about who, when, where and how they would fight, continuing bloodshed while protecting non-combatants, property and prisoners of war. It's easier to recruit foot soldiers when they know there are rules.

As war became more complicated, so did the enabling rules.

Conclusion: Without the protection of rules, warriors would drop their weapons and get real jobs.

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17, beautiful and dumb dumb dumb

AOL reports:

<<<

Miss California faces new scandal

A topless photo of the beauty queen surfaced online, stirring controversy. She insists the pic -- taken when she was 17 -- is being used to mock 'my Christian faith.' Click to see more scandalous shots.

>>>


No, Sweetie Pie ... the picture is being used to jerk off to by every male with a computer. They don't care about your religion, your personality, or anything except your 17-year-old ass and boobs.

Although, the name Jesus may be invoked.

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Who messed with the gravity?

The culminating thrill of my 5-day paycheck-less furlough was dinner at a local casino with a longtime friend Friday evening.

The food was great, and we didn't grouse about our bosses' bosses incompetence, too much.

However, Earth's gravity-maker must have burped around 6:30 p.m. ... or, I tripped over my own two feet where carpet turns to tile, resulting in a knee plant, smashing my right shoulder and face into the back of an occupied chair at the bar.

Thereby proving that I can no longer walk, talk, play with a toy and safely transition between floor coverings.

I don't even know if the guy I flopped into was hurt, but the bartender was more concerned about me, so I guess he was OK. I didn't make eye contact, that's for sure.

I managed to walk away without limping or staggering. Didn't even break my glasses.

Royally embarrassed, however.

Friday night, my right knee swelled and hurt, and my arm and shoulder, while having full mobility, ached. On went the ice packs.

The arm's still sore today, and the knee's got a beaut of a bruise and reduced swelling.

Question is: Shall I ever enter the Nugget again?

***

UPDATE on previous entry: Fox Broadcasting's public-service campaign was actually around Earth Day, not global warming. Ah, Earth Day, 24 hours of playing nice, followed by a year of toxic dumping.

-30-

Disconnect at Fox

Fox Noise Channel offers challenge-free forums for global-warming deniers, while Fox Broadcasting's TV shows run promos by actors urging viewers to go to fox.com's "green" screen to see ways people can fight global warming.

So ... one section of Fox doesn't know what other sections are doing?

From my seat in the peanut gallery, the actors are right and the "news" purveyors wrong.

I'd laugh, but it would hurt too much.

-30-

In defense of Prof. Harold Hill

E-mail sent to Keith Olbermann on April 14, 2009:

Hello dere, Mr. O! Please knock off comparing Glenn Beck to Howard Hill. Hill was a fast-talking traveling salesman, but the product he was selling — band instruments — was delivered. What he gipped customers on was teaching the children to play.

G.B. is an albino Snidely Whiplash — only funnier. And seriously dangerous.

-30-

Fowl murder

There's a horrid story in today's Reno Gazette-Journal: Raising chickens in your back yard.

Written by Master Gardener Melody Hefner, it makes the project sound like sooo much fun!

However ... chickens are living creatures, with brains (sort of), and needs. And they require work, work, work!

Irresponsible doesn't begin to cover the failings of Mz. Hefner and the RGJ in publishing this story.

I speak from experience; Grammie and Grampa Al had chickens at their home, a couple blocks from my home. Starting when I was 7 or so, I was expected, on most weekends, to gather eggs from the henhouse, help Grampa Al clean up the pen and aid in other chores.

It was not easy, and it was not fun.

Farm animals are a 24/7 job. And roosters are mean, vicious, fast little buggers. Although, the rooster that ripped out my thumbnail did taste pretty good the next night, served with sourdough dressing and gravy.

Here's what's going to happen: Some yahoo will buy two dozen chicks, which will starve to death once Mr. Yahoo gets tired of the novelty. Mrs. Yahoo will get sick and tired of cleaning bugs out of the house. The Yahoo children will be frustrated once they discover that chickens aren't puppies or kittens ... farm birds don't play well with others.

The birds' lives will end in pain.

And the wonderful folk at the RGJ will be co-conspirators.

-30-

Lamebrains on the march

If I weren’t so overworked (aka lazy), I’d do a Web search to ascertain just when the epidemic of emphasizing “self-esteem” swept through the nation’s schools, then compare those years to the ages of various yahoos in the national spotlight … Sarah Palin; the cretin canned from the Virginia Republicans committee job because he twittered a secret plan to steal control of the state legislature; the delusional Glen Beck; stock creep Jim Cramer; Bobby Jindal of Louisiana; and plenty of others.

Odds are they were in school when teachers were forced to give praise to every student, earned or not.

Lamebrains in the news lately seem to have more self-esteem than smarts (book or street). They had to learn it somewhere … egos that size don’t grow without fertilizer.

Except, perhaps, for Lush Rimbaugh, Bill O’Really and Newt Gringrinch.

*** *** ***

Note to software writers: Please add an “oops” button or a “stop” button.

My ISP’s computer doesn’t much like e-mail in the middle of the night … the app grinds away, e-mail going nowhere. But there’s no way to tell the mail app to give it up.

Likewise with the digital archive I use at work … misspell a word in a search and the search goes on and on and on. I do not enjoy sitting there watching little whatsits spin and spin and spin.

Please, gimme a "whoa horsey" command.

-30-

Space case after the quake

Today’s massive earthquake in Italy leads to a “whatever happened to …” moment, which fertilized my budding skepticism and launched a fascination with believers of impossible things.

The strangest 24 hours of my life (late summer 1963, ’64 or ’65) concluded in the back room of Miguel’s Restaurant in Reno, best Mexican restaurant on the West Coast at the time. Miguel Ribera was a wonderful person and an outstanding citizen, despite his obsession with UFOs. Occasionally, he’d rent the local convention center and throw a UFO weekend. Anybody else ever meet the Indian chief who'd been to Jupiter?

After all day at the confab, friends talked me into going to the post-midnight session at Miguel’s. The main event was an L.A. group with a grand theory about aliens and Earth. The group’s name, I think: M.I.N.D. (I can’t remember what it stood for.)

The theory went something like this:

Every earthquake changed the planet’s electromagnetic fields, creating gaps through which space visitors could speak telepathically with their Earth friends.

After earthquakes, these fine, fine people hauled picnic chairs onto the roof of their houses, and waited for messages. Equipment included TV antennas and foil.

Oddly, the messages from the aliens didn’t make a lot of sense … peace, love and cigarettes, though I’m probably wrong about that. No blueprints on how to build starships.

The question occurred to me: These creatures have the knowledge and technology to come all the way to Earth, but they hide in orbit and “think” at us? They can “think” in English but they can’t build a radio or a TV transmitter?

One absurdity after another piled up as the session progressed. We escaped somewhere around 2 a.m.

I still don’t understand how people can believe nonsense such as this, but thanks to Miguel I got a first look at a cross-section of believers.

(First half of the strangest 24 hours: Seeing “The Ten Commandments” and “Hatari!” with my dad at the drive-in; we got home around 3:30 a.m. Graydon and Pat hauled me off to the UFO convention on three hours sleep. It’s a wonder I didn’t run off to join the UFO freaks.)

*** *** ***

Speaking of space aliens …

The episode of “24” on March 30 had a great in-joke. The president and her (don’t trust her, Aaron!) daughter discussed candidates for chief of staff. First name mentioned: Bob Justman. Second name: Rick Berman.

The episode was written by “24” producers Brannon Braga and Manny Coto, who became a writing team late in the “Star Trek” series string.

Bob Justman was producer of the original “Star Trek;” he did the work and the Great Bird of the Galaxy got the glory. Rick Berman was Gene Roddenberry’s hand-picked successor for producer when “Next Generation” was created.

Great producers, but White House chief of staff? Not a chance.

-30-

The DisUnited States of America

Divided, state by state:

Yesterday's upstate New York special election to replace Hillary R.C. in the Senate is too close to call, while the Minnesota standoff continues, with the Repub-idate ready to wage unending war to keep Al F. out of the Senate. Voters in two states split half and half, Republican and Democratic.

It's time to make all the Red staters move to the Heartland, and all the Blue staters move to the coasts (except Florida; leave it to the 'gators) and split the government in twain.

The Reds will have a theo-fascist country and the Blues democracy.

Upside: The Blues will have the haters surrounded.

I'm working on the details.

-30-

Pirates vs. e-books

NPR reported just now about book publishers worried that digital books will be copied and set free on the InterWebs, as was music not so long ago.

Hey, publishers: Zillions of people listen to music. But the thousands (barely) of people who still buy and read books aren't going to bootleg them.

Nobody in the Big City's gonna sell e-books out of inside pockets of a scuzzy overcoat. Street corners from the U.S. to Beijing will be safe. No bookish pirate will launch a literary Napster.

Music and novels = two different entertainment experiences, no matter the format. Little overlap in customers.

Were I a publisher, I would be churning out e-books by the dozens. Pay the author a pittance, turn the digital file over to an underpaid e-technician and off it goes, making money for a tiny investment. It's not like it's hard to find writers with books to publish.

*** *** ***

Update: Remains of yet a third pigeon were left on my front walk this morning.

How long will it take for the pigeons to go away after I stop putting out birdseed?

-30-

Nature, red in tooth and claw

OK, I get it ... predator and prey. But does it have to be in my front yard?

Saturday morning, the lawn was covered with bird feathers, probably California quail. I blamed it on the long-hair black&white cat that prowls the neighborhood, in violation of city laws.

Sorry, cat.

An errand brought me home at 2:30 p.m. today, to find a red-tailed hawk offing a pigeon, right in front of my house. Hawkeye carried the pigeon, in a combo of flying and hopping, to the far end of my driveway. When I eased the car into the drive, it hauled lunch out of sight down the side of the garage, under the bushes.

I've seen, twice, a huge hawk perched atop the utility pole across the street, but today's gourmet was smaller.

As I left, the hawk was dining in the shadows.

Ah, spring.

Ah, hawks. Better it eats the pigeons than quail or mourning doves. Sparrows and finches are too small to bother with, right?

-30-

What a way to go!

An obit in today's Reno Gazette-Journal, for a 24-year-old, includes this request regarding the funeral:

Out of respect for his family, this will be an alcohol and drug free service.

What kind of friends and relatives have to be reminded not to show up at a funeral blotto?

There's no mention of a wake; wouldn't it be fabulously drunken?

-30-

Fast fix for the budget deficit

Russia rebuilds its nuclear weapons stockpile; Iran forces its citizens to chant "Death to America" daily in the streets; the Dear Leader of North Korea brainwashes residents to believe that the U.S. is going to invade, just an instant from ... now .... wait ... now ... waaait ... now!

In exchange for millions of under-the-table money, B. Obama and H. Clinton should offer, sub rosa, to bluster and threaten and behave like barbarians. Pay us and we'll scare your people out of their shoes. Money goes into U.S. coffers and dictators keep their jobs.

Hugo Chavez might cough up dough, too. Better still, oil.

G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North have the experience. Turn 'em back into spooks.

-30-

Never a barricade when you need one

AIG:

Lets go all French university student on its ass ... 10,000 citizens marching on its headquarters, ripping up paving stones, turning and burning autos, throwing paint-filled balloons, heaving rocks through windows, chanting, singing, waving U.S. flags.

Viva la Revolution!

GEORGIA:

The state has a shortage of science teachers. Gee ... the Bible-thumpers go all medieval on the ass of evolution, and now nobody wants to teach high-school physics in Georgia. Go figure.

-30-

Silly cop moves and BSG dog robbers

Much as I enjoy watching "24" and "Battlestar Galactica" ...

"BSG" quibble: The military can't manage to protect or feed the civilians trapped in Dogtown, but everybody's got cigarettes with filter tips and lots of booze, and there's a really good tailor with a stash of silk ties and custom-made suits for Lee Adama.

"24" quibble: I get the giggles when cops move in on the bad guys, guns gripped in both hands, arms extended, elbows locked, weapons pointed at knee level. It's not so bad when it's just one person, but this week the line of Secret Service agents, tiptoeing through the White House in groups of four or five, set me off. I first noticed this hilarity in "NCIS" and "Criminal Minds." I'm waiting for Harpo Marx to hit 'em with water balloons.

The geek-genius of "Criminal Minds" is especially funny, what with the awful hair and the way he wears his huge gun holster. If I were actual FBI, I'd put out a hit on that actor.

-30-

Confrontational, Condi

NPR just aired an interview with Condi Rice, back at Stanford from her Bushie duties.

She said she doesn't like "confrontation" but welcomes enthusiastic debate at university.

Of course she doesn't want confrontation ... Bush-Cheney and their minions prefer to sneak around in the dark of night, poisoning personal liberties. If you let the people know what you are doing, they might object. Confrontationally.

-30-

Have a heart

A couple of months ago, my best friend, Linda, 60 and a lifelong smoker, had really bad back pain and was really tired. In an unusual move, she actually went to the doctor, who tested her kidneys and stuff and decided she was fine except for being vitamin D deficient.

So ... you guessed it ... Tuesday night into Wednesday, she had a heart attack. At home. Didn't call anybody until it was time to go to work; she called in sick. Thirty minutes later, her boss, Gloria, was on her front porch and 30 more minutes later Linda was in the ER at Saint Mary's Regional Medical Center, Reno.

She had another heart attack this morning, which booted her from down the line in the angioplasty list to No. 1. They did all four entries into her heart and it went well, although this afternoon she's getting a blood platelet transfusion because her blood pressure, which was 160 over 101 when she reached the ER, dropped to 65 over 40-something and won't come back up.

I offered to come to the hospital and be really really annoying, but she declined.

Pardon me while I kick myself for not questioning the "you're fine" diagnosis. I know perfectly well that women's heart attacks present differently than do men's. I watched my grandmother have a heart attack, for Chaos' sake. And yet I let it slide with Linda.

Merde.

Meanwhile, I have the pleasure of feeding, etc. her zoo: three dogs and two cats. Two needy dogs and an almost-not-a-kitten Siamese (cross-eyed and hilarious to watch) who will finally stay in the same room with me, after spending most of her life hiding when I arrive. It took a couple months before I believed Linda when she claimed to have this cat. Linda took a picture.

-30-

What was he thinking?

So the Illinois Legislature booted Blogo.

Buh bye. Don't let the door hit you in the hair on the way out.

News reports say he considered nominating Oprah for Obama's Senate seat.

Dude ... she can't afford the pay cut.

-30-

Gimme the money!

Economic stimulus package? Forget the package ... send checks for $50,000 to everybody with a Social Security account and federal tax-reported yearly income below $750,000.

I promise to spend most of mine, fast, as will the other 250 million people.

No stupid, greedy finance-biz wankers will get their wastrel hands on it.

Economy stimulated.

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